PAPER LADY

Ali Murat ERKORKMAZ

Istanbul, November 1994

Man existed and created,

He created pain, joy, sorrow and merriment

He created friendship, affection, love, passion and hate

He created power

Man existed and created

and he worshipped his creation

1------------------------------

Night..

Murat bending upon his table, nearly disappeared among his complex, wild drawings and the paints that constantly change colors in order to adapt themselves to their surroundings. He was working madly, as if he had cut all his attachment with the living world. The table was so mixed up, it was so undisciplined and so vagrant. At the first glance one could understand the lids of paint tubes were lost long ago; these open tubes were lying shapeless in glass jars, brushes of every size, colorful pencils, oils were bursting from the boxes.

The paints that had been taken out of the jars were trying to hide themselves among the papers on the table, the paints, which are involuntarily leaking from the open tubes were slowly invading the black table.

Murat was around 45 years old, but his friends were saying that he couldn't succeed to pass his 14th birthday. He mixed whatever existed in his world: paintings, statues, music... whatever was written in the menu.. He was one of the few people, who was at peace within themselves. He did not have many bad habits except being choosy on food and being too optimistic.

On the wall at his back, three black and white posters were attracting attention. The man on the top, with his unique hair, that resembled cotton candy was, may be the only scientist, whose face was familiar to a large group of people.

Albert Einstein.

In fact Einstein was pictured here with a violin at his hand but all the people, whether related to science or not will realize that he looks more like a scientist that a musician.

-Our young guy is flying on the air said Einstein, but without using scientific approaches, you can not create something. The mechanical structures of all the living things have been based on a scientific reason.

A voice rose from the poster right at the bottom:

- Without the power of imagination, without imagination, it is impossible to approach even to the most primitive solutions. Human beings have to use their imagination power to dig up the nature and find the basic colors.

He turned his very deep eyes from side to side. He arranged first his left mustache than his right mustache, using his right hand's pointing finger . His eyes and his mustache were like his second signature.

Dali ... Salvador Dali...

Einstein looked down to him.

- My dear sir, please don't forget that even in your utopic fantasies; natural balance, perspective, precision and even science have priority. Can you tell me, that you don't use scientific methods even while you are mixing the colors to each other? Your creativeness is limited to the power of nature, the principals of science and mathematics.

- Yes, you are right monsignor, but all you have stated are organized under the power of my imagination and synthesized in the endless curves of my brain. And didn't you declare, that imagination is superior to information?

- One mustn't confuse between the two.

Einstein felt into deep thoughts for a moment. His eyes became fixed on an imaginary horizon.

- One mustn't mix scientific imagination with creation.

- All your talkings are so meaningless.

From the third poster an old, tired, exhausted voice has been risen. The other two pointed their attention to the source of that voice.

- God is the only power that can create. Except him, all the things, that could be named as creation are the hopeless imitations of his power. They seem, as if they are creations. But when the game ends, all the players and all the audience return back to their homes. To him.

Einstein lifted his eyebrows as if he didn't like this idea. He closed and tightened his mouth.

Jesus Christ was talking. In the third poster, as usual he was pictured on the cross and was looking up with wonder - wisdom - boredom in his eyes. He shook his head.

- This world is not the real world. What we live in this world is just the rehearsal of a divine game.

Dali felt the need to interfere

- Such a long rehearsal .. why?

- Please don't forget, that time is a relative concept.

Einstein felt the necessity to interfere. He mixed his cotton candy hair by his right hand, looked around, as if he forgot something.

- Time that seems as millions of years to us, can be only a few seconds for God.

The telephone rang.

Murat was continuing to work, unaware of all these conversations. He was startled by the harsh sound of the telephone. While he was trying to answer the phone, his hand hit the water filled jar, that was used to clean the brushes. While it was falling, Murat made a desperate attempt but couldn't prevent what would happen. Most of the water slipped to the table. Water thought, that it was his turn to spread out all his hidden bad deeds and dived in between the pictures and the paints. Water gave back all the dirt, that he collected from the brushes.

2......................................

A lady in mid thirties, who was a blond with greasy hair and narrowed green eyes was on the phone. She was a copy of Madonna.

- What has happened? Do you have a problem? What? You ... You know best.

Her eyes wandered around the almost empty room and fixed on the ceiling.

Six people that were sitting at the tall and lean meeting table was looking to her with bored, silent eyes.

These people, whose eyes had the lost look of an unfinished meeting, shared some mutual points. It seemed as if, the successful roots of the youth of a different and developed community was put on them like a make-up. But from tiny leaks the real structure was grinning. Their personalities were trying to come to the facade and were forcing the make-up, expensive cloths and fashionable watches.

The one with circular wire glasses and thinning hair talked with the self-confidence of sitting at the head of the table :

- What has happened Ms. Dilek? Can't he come?

- No... mmmm... one minute..

Ms. Dilek closed the receiver with her hand, turned her head to the table.

- He couldn't finish.

- No, that can’t happen

The one that whined was a plump man, who looked like the young American Bankers with his striped coat.

- This is the second time.. all the campaign is spoiled because of him.. isn't there anybody else in this company, who can draw?

While glancing at the group, Dilek talked on the phone.

- Okay, I will call you later. Okay... Eh.. What can we do? It's not important, we will try to handle it.

She closed the phone and turned to the table.

- Sure there are other people Mr. Hayri, but you insisted on him.

- How could I know, he would delay so much....

Dilek looked very painful and nervous. Than turned suddenly.

- Murat, darling I am afraid you have to handle this.

- You must be joking. I don't have time to breath.

- It is easy for you Murat. Don't be a spoil-sport....

- But Mr. Hayri I still couldn't finish the newspaper advertisement . And six....

- Save us Murat!

Another young advertiser who was making fun of the situation, made a begging signal to Murat. Murat laughed and hit his hands. All made the same begging signal together, as if they practiced on it. Mr. Hayri and the lady beside her, who seemed like to secretary of Mr. Hayri looked at each other and smiled. The young man that did the "save us" signal first turned to Murat, made an effort to give a snake look to his eyes.

- Must be a very, very beautiful girl...

Murat felt the electricity wave coming from Mr. Hayri.

- Like pure spring water said Mr. Hayri.

Dilek jumped up from her chair.

- Like pure water ... like pure spring water ... Unbelievable .. the slogan just came out.

Mr. Hayri seemed surprised.

- What? Slogan?

Ms. Dilek who seemed like Columbus unaware of himself because of the shock of his discovery, leaned towards Mr. Hayri. There were victory flickers in her eyes and she was enjoying to observe that the others in the room haven't discovered America yet.

- For the campaign, can there be a better slogan? Pure spring water and this beautiful girl ... you are marvelous Mr. Hayri .

- Yes, he is.

At the end the secretary talked. Her face showed that she really was aware that Mr. Hayri was marvelous but she couldn't understand why. Mr. Hayri chuckled.

- Keh.. keh.. really so.

Raised his head and looked to the others with a mischievous way.

- Eh.. so there is no need to pay for you anymore, I think.

Dilek turned to Murat.

- She can be between 18 -20 years old, so beautiful that if she enters to this room everybody will watch her holding their breath.

- Beauty is a relative concept.

- Nonsense, said another young man sitting beside.

- Beauty is beauty. Otherwise how can all these magazines, films can be marketed.

Mr. Hayri got up. As he always decided about the beginning and endings of the meetings, he leaded the group.

- Tomorrow...we are meeting again, tomorrow.

It was easy to say so. Murat thought about all his waiting works.

- Impossible, I have things to do tonight.

- Tomorrow said Dilek , at the same time.

Dilek looked to Murat. She was saying sorry with her eyes, Murat refused to accept her pardon with his empty, fixed stare.

3 --------------------------------

While trying to clean the table with the napkin, Murat was trying not to drop the receiver that was stick between his head and shoulders.

- We are stuck here again tonight. What? I will laugh at that ... We have chosen the wrong profession. I work all day, all night.. Draw.. draw... What? Come on, what is the relation? I am drawing a girl. What? Nice job, you say? Come and ask to me.. No I have all kinds of tricks, I only don't want trouble.

The table was nearly dry. While talking, Murat was examining the picture he has saved. He put six-seven A4 sized pictures to the far side of the table.

-Okay, we will meet tomorrow. Tell my regards to Lale.

He closed the phone, looked at the picture for the last time.

- How will we deal with you, young lady?

A small smile flew from the lips of Dali on the wall.

He left the room, washed the jar in the bathroom. Filled it with clean water. Looked to his image on the mirror. He couldn't feel pleased. His tired eyes became more wearied while looking at the reflection. In the room Einstein was talking to himself.

- Time.. time.. health and time are the most precious layers.

Dali looked to him but didn't say anything.

-If I had a little more time... If I had time...

Christ mumbled

- Everybody has enough time to do for, what he has to do..

- A little more...

The door was opened. Murat left the fresh filled jar to the table and sat down at his chair. A velvet silence filled the air. There wasn't any voice at all. Dali opened his eyes to see what was happening. He looked to Einstein. Einstein also sensed the strange air, was looking around with wonder.

Murat got up, he walked to the tape recorder. Looked to his cassettes on the shelf. Got one, looked surprised. His looks showed that he didn't see that red cassette before. Tighten his lips, put the cassette in. Turned on the cassette player and went back to his chair.

The music started. Yes, he was listening to this music for the first time. He was sure about that. Shook his head. Made his brush move on the paints and dipped it into water. A wild red was drawing strange figures in the water.

4----------------------------------------

Morning.

Lively.. dynamic... All the colors got cleaner, the dirt of the night has been washed out, full of hope, brilliant... Cars, people, workers heading to their offices, factories, the others opening their shops for the first time, weary looked shopkeepers, the pedestrians, who read something and walked, the crowded buses, tiny people running to school, the long lines...

The door was opened, a head was seen. A young, brown, thin head

- Last stop, he said.

Murat 's head was lying between papers and paints.

- Mmmm... what time is it?

- July 18, 2021. Have you been sleeping for a long time?

- Don't joke with me. I had to work till morning.

- You don't have to do all the work of this agency. We can get bankruptcy without your help.

Murat sat down slowly, without turning his eyes away from the picture he stretched.

- Is it morning?

- The meeting will start half an hour later, go and wash your face.

- He was still looking at the picture.

- God dam.. All my bones are aching.

His friend looked at the picture.

-Is that her?

-What do you think?

- I don't know

- What do you mean you don't know? I tried more than 50 images, this is great.

-Don't be angry. Anyway the customer will give the final decision, not me.

He took the picture from his friend

- Don't care for that stupid. How can he understand what a beautiful picture is.

His friend imitated the monkeys and left the room. While he was putting the picture to the table, he continued.

-Wait, I will be back.

He left the picture on the table.

People were gathering in the meeting room.

He washed his face in a hurry, brushed his teeth and looked his sleepless face and untidy hair. He didn't like, what he saw.

Dali shook his head..

- This child is getting too tired.

Einstein, who was powdering his hair agreed.

-He has too much energy

Dali smiled

Murat threw the towel to the far corner of the bathroom.

Mr. Hayri turned to the secretary

- Last night I watched an interesting movie. The man got paralyzed. Only his brain was working.

The secretary had an artificial smile on her face. She seemed as if she was listening but her mind was on the tea that was being served.

- He became like a plant.. Richard Dreyfus was the leading actor.

The secretary looked at the other people at the room.

-We have to thank for what we have.

This words made everybody smile. Mr. Hayri looked at the ceiling. That secretary..

While taking the picture from the table, Murat was trying to tidy his cloths.

Mr. Hayri looked at his secretary, his eyes became like a line.

-Is moving or walking so important

The secretary squashed her lips as if to say "I don't know", shook her head.

Murat arranged his hair by his hands. Left the room.

The people in the meeting room were getting tense. Everybody was watching the other's face and getting more bored. Mr. Hayri looked at his watch.

-Is Mr. Murat alive?

His friend that talked to him recently laughed.

-Yes, he is alive but leads to a life without consciousness like a vegetal life.

The secratary understood the joke and was very proud of her self.

-You mean like a plant...

They all laughed.

Einstein looked towards the door

-I hope he will be successful

The door was opened and Murat came in.

-Good Morning

Mr. Hayri was drinking his tea, he looked with fixed eyes to Murat

-Let's see it...

5-------------------------------------------------

In a semi-lighted room two people were working silently with some scientific apparatus. The shadow of the man in front of the microscope was on the mixed-up papers and those shadows formed funny shapes..

The other person was working at the opposite corner of the room, although her hair was cut as short as a man's, her movements proved that she was a real woman. She transfered a blue colored liquid from the pipette to the tube. Than replaced the tube near many other tubes. Got one of the stickers, wrote a few letters and numbers on it and attached it to the tube.

- Honorable Mr. Engin is not hungry yet?

-What?

-I am talking about being hungry

- Me?

-No...Me and the cancer viruses of your friends are also covered in my sentence.

-Sure I am hungry.

-Let's go out and eat something.

-Give me two minutes.

-Okay, you have two minutes.

Engin talked without separating his eyes from the world of microbes.

-All the methods tried upto now are wrong.

-All the methods are wrong. Here we go again.

- Nothing changed in 30 years. We couldn't kill these small creatures.

The woman got up. She got her umbrella that was leaning to the table. She hold it like a rifle and aimed Engin's microscope.

-One minute, 30 seconds.

-But they found a very good method to kill us.

-One minute 20 seconds

The woman began to approach slowly. Engin got closer to his microscope. He saw the elements of the edge of the umbrella from the microscope.

-One minute, 5 seconds.

-Okay, Okay... I am closing.

With a rush, he turned of some bottoms. The lights of the microscope went off. He leaned back, stretched.

-Let's go and eat something.

The woman pressed on the umbrella's button, the umbrella suddenly opened in front of Engin.

-Bang.

6--------------------------

While going out of the office door, Engin was talking very rapidly.

-Look, I don't know how to tell but I always felt the necessity to look to the events from both ends.

-Are you talking about the relation between us?

While walking, Lale was glancing at Engin.

-A serious explanation is coming. I am ready.

-Please don't joke. About those viruses...

-I should have known. I thought we left the viruses at the 6th floor.

Without paying attention to the cars coming, they crossed the street.

-What did we do upto now? I am talking about the medicine history. Think.

-Don't make me tired while I am hungry. Cut it short.

-Since the beginning didn't we try to kill the microbes and viruses?

-Eeeeee....

-But it is different with the other animals and living creatures.

-What is different?

- We are taking care of the plants, trees. It is advised us to protect and love the animals.

- To protect and love animals...What do you say, shall we protect and love viruses too?

- I mean something like that. I don't mean protection but we can try something else than killing.

-What ?

-We can try to communicate with them.

Both of them stopped suddenly. They looked each other for a long time. Lale had a a joyful, mischievous mask on her face.

- You are very hungry.

While eating in the cafeteria, Engin was chewing rapidly and talking. Lale had a bored face, she wasn't very interested and was pretending to listen.

-But viruses are dangerous, they can kill.

-So the Lions and alligators.

-This is not the same thing.

-Sure not but if we can talk with them, we can be friends. Or at least we can understand, why they cause trouble.

Lale's sandwich felt on the table. She stopped for a minute and because of the thoughts that came to her mind, she gave a small laughter.

-Why they cause trouble.... You have a brain influenza, I think.

-All the living creatures have a place in the ecology.

-Yes, you are getting ill.

-Think about us. We can talk about everything with our friends. Our troubles, our wishes, expectations. But we don't talk these with strangers.

-Being friends with viruses... Are you serious...?

-There must be a way.

Lale got a bite from her sandwich. Stopped for a minute.

-Think about what we are eating, there must be many microbes and viruses in it.

-Assume that aliens are coming to the earth.

-Aliens?

-Don't the scientist say, that we have to communicate with the outer space?

-Do they?

Engin put down his half eaten Hamburger on the table.

-Who can guaranty that aliens don't look like us?

-But that's different.

-The aliens can be giants but they can be as small as a chicken or ...or ... smaller

-Like a virus.

-Like a virus.

-You have brain influenza.

- The problem is finding a way to communicate with these aliens.

-If university authorities learn about it....

Engin stopped. Looked at his hamburger through his glass. It was like looking to the amusement park mirrors.

Lale stared at him, with pity.

-Look, you couldn't even find a correct way to communicate with me.

8-------------------------------------------------------

-Like the pure spring water? said Mr. Hayri. He looked to the picture from a distance.

-Like the pure spring water. What do you say?

He gave the picture to his secretary. The secretary looked with frightened eyes. She was not sure whether to say excellent or horrible. Mr. Hayri understood her dilemma. In order to make the situation clear he said:

-Not bad...I mean the girl is not bad, but she didn't make me think about the pure spring water.

All the room was silent. Dilek knew that a long silence could mean trouble. She hurriedly said:

-You are right, we have to change her a little.

-The man sitting besides her, supported her hurriedly.

-You are right. In fact I was waiting a different kind of a girl but if we make some changes on this one, it will be okay.

While saying these he looked at Murat. Murat has fixed his eyes to a point at the middle of the table.

As if these conversation was not important for him.

-No.. I had a similar image in my mind. Only we have to make some small changes..

While saying these, Dilek looked at Murat and making him feel that, she was trying to protect him.

Mr. Hayri began to turn around the picture.

-I mean, I don't know ....

The secretary meowed.

- If she were a blond

Mr. hayri looked at the secretary as if he was looking at a bad designed furniture. The secretary similed.

-The Turkish men prefer blonds..

Dilek got the picture from Mr. Hayri, she placed it on the empty plastic bottle, didn't like it, placed it at the back of the plastic bottle.

-The color of her eyes is very nice. Like water..

-We can make her older or younger.

Another man became more courageous from those words of Mr. Hayri. He sat more still on his chair and said.

-What will this girl wear?

Mr. Hayri looked at Murat

-You don't say anything.

Dilek examined the picture more closely and gave her decision.

-She must be a little bit plump. This girl is too thin.

-It's Murat's turn to speak, insisted Mr. Hayri.

All got silenced and turned to Murat. Murat was still looking to a point at the middle of the table.. Than he took the picture from Dilek. Looked at the girl in the picture. Everyone was looking at him curiously. He put the picture to the table.

-I have talked, he said. That is the girl.

His eyes met with Mr. Hayri's. He fixed a meaningless feeling to his face. For the counterpart it was a "the doors are closed you can not enter" feeling than "a yes or no" Mr. Hayri also wore a same type of mask. You can feel him thinking " you play a dirty trick, don't you?".

9--------------------------------------

The weather was not very good. It was not good at all, but they have talked about going to fishing. While the boats in the marina were playing the role of abounded and unprotected.... a few people were trying to find a solution to their silent problems. They were changing a rope, or a wood piece. It was a pity that people could profit so little from the boats they have purchased for a large sum of money and effort. But the time always works against the swimming worlds. The short sea season passes very quickly than the boats are left resting in the dirty waters of the marinas. Many sea animals, molds invade the bottom of the boats. The wind tears their flag, rain enters silently into the deck, that was dried under the sun, than rain drops spread everywhere. But most of the people dream to own a boat. To sail to the deserted places. The need for silence. The ambition of being in the nature and sharing the power of nature with the sails. The need for vast clearings...

Is that why the old sailors always looked very energetic?

Engin was brushing the seagull dirt. Why the seagulls always prefer the wooden boats? They eat in the wooden boats and they shit there. The plastic boats don't have problems like that. Everything was so nice but cleaning this mess made Engin very angry. Murat was sitting in the front and was burning the ends of the ropes with the flame of the lantern. If those are not burned, they would open from the ends and become useless.

- Look here hairy brush, do we have to work like a slave in order to go to fishing?

Murat said nothing.

-You give all the dirty jobs to me.

-Be silent and continue to clean, you slave.

-Okay, let's sail.

-We wouldn't be able to catch any fish at this hour.

-I am preparing tea.

Engin left his brushes and went inside. Murat looked after him.

-The butane tube is in the locker.

Engin showed his head from the door.

-I hate tubes, all my life passes among the test tubes.

He came outside, replaced the tube and put the water, Murat was still burning the ends of ropes.

-How is everything in the test tube country?

-I am fed up with viruses. Even at nights I dream of viruses. Small, big, curving..

- What are they saying about your theory?

- Impossible, funny, nonsense, childish....

-That means you will be successful.

-Communication ... problem is that...

- That is the problem ... corrected Murat. Did you developed a method?

- I don't want to act like I read in the science-fiction novels but I don't know.. I want to experiment with light and electric . My problem is with the university authorities. If they believe in me, I would receive some money from the experiment fund.

Murat came near Engin, he was swinging the lantern. He hung the lantern to a wall inside, which looked like the interior parts of a home. In the entrance with four steps you could reach the “saloon”. There were two cabins at the back. And a small kitchen separated from the saloon just on the left. A stainless steel basin, small burner, one kettle, a pan, some dishes on the shelves. A small, lovely kitchen.. In the middle of the saloon there was a portable table and two portable beds. The main pole was going down just near the table. There was an other cabin at the front. You can see a V shaped bed from its open door. All the side walls of the boat were covered with books. Murat worked for seven years to buy this boat, but now was using it very seldom.

-That is the problem.. Against all those alive and moving organisms, the nature is silent and still with millions of stone and earth. It doesn't matter how lively and energetic you are. The earth prevents your motions.

- Look, hairy brush.. what happened to the beautiful girl you were drawing?

Murat only smiled. Went out. Turned on the ignition. First a sound was heard than a smoke was seen. He went inside. Got a bag, opened it. He took a picture from the bag and gave it to Engin.

Dilek shook her head with anger.

-Don't do that Murat, she said.

The women on the phone, asked to the man besides her:

-Are you sure?

- I was there.

- We can lose a customer because of this.

Dilek put her hands to her sides.

-This boy got mad, she shouted.

-What would happen, if he makes some corrections?

-nnt...nnnt..nnttt..

Mr. Hayri sat straight.

-Murat will say the last words.

Murat smiled, while showing the picture to Engin. I have already said the last words.

Engin examined the picture

-You should have been born in America, Hairy brush..

Murat carried the bag and the picture to his cabin. He looked at the picture again. When he was replacing the picture into the envelope he took it out again and smiled.

-You are the most beautiful pure spring water for me, he said. Than he put the picture into the envelope and went out. He threw the ropes to the dock and the boat left the harbor, while the seagulls were crying.

10---------------------------------------------

Obstinacy is a pleasurable feeling said Dali. Ambition and obstinacy are the main contributors of determination.

- I agree with you replied Einstein, in order not to be stuck in the middle of the road, you need ambition, obstinacy and patience. For the motivation to work, you need ambition and obstinacy to go on.

Christ raised his head

- Weakness is a very painful and weak concept where as stubbornness and ambition are deadly and wrong behaviors. The real important thing is existing in the eyes of God.

-Don't say so monsignor, you established Christianity with your stubbornness and ambition.

-No.. with patience and love.

- If you love, what you like, in order to success you will become ambitious. There is a very small line between patience and stubbornness.

These words of Einstein made the other two look at him.

Murat stepped inside. Than his two friends came in. Dilek shouted :

-Tomorrow night.

Murat placed the picture on a chair just opposite him.

- I will do my best

The other friend got his pencil and approached to the picture.

-We can make her eyebrows ...

Murat seized his friend's hand.. He looked with anger. For one minute the most violent scenes of the violence films came to his mind. He hit his friend lightly.

-Don't touch her.

His friend was surprised by Murat's behavior. He threw the pencil to the table.

-What did I do?

-Don't touch her. She is very pretty like this.

Dilek touched the others arm.

-Let's go. leave him with his beautiful girl. Don't forget Murat, tomorrow night all newspapers and magazines...

Murat said nothing. He sat down. When Dilek and the other person was leaving the room, he pressed the button of the cassette player. Last night's music filled the air. It wrapped Murat, got him under its effect. In the dim light coming from the window and the light of the table lamp, Murat put his hands under his head and closed his eyes. He left himself to the magic of his music.

- My beautiful girl is different, my beautiful girl is different he murmured.

- If I wanted to change them, what would they say? My beautiful girl is different.

The girl in the armchair winked her eyes and smiled.

Murat continued to talk to himself.

-Do you want me to change?

-Never, said the girl